First is the letting go. This happened to me when i was about 30 or so. I dropped many things, early philosophy that no longer worked or had lost it's weight it once had. I didn't replace any of these things right away. Instead I walked around naked. I watched people, making them and me uncomfortable. I knew I wasn't like most of them, but even looking in the mirror, I couldn't really get in touch with myself. I sort of suspended who I was and just let things happen to me and around me, with as little influence by me as possible. I remained this way for roughly four years when I decided I needed more.
I went into cultures in New YORK THAT I HAD NEVER EXPLORED BEFORE. places I clearly had no business being in. I hung around and tried to be like a canvas for Jackson pollack. I tried on a bit of this and a splotch of that, eventually, leaving most of it behind. None of it was genuine. I knew that much. Then I was betrayed by a snake in the grass. So comes the second life lesson.
The event was devastating. I hit bottom emotionally. I was stripped to the bone for almost a year. I got a turn from everyone I knew at the time. It really sucked. It was then I realized there was a reason it was called baggage. I became an adult at 37.
I cut ties with bullshit and emptied my life not of who I was , rather, who I was tired of being. The weight disappeared. Clarity has since began to settle in. It is kind of like that scene in the wall when Sid Barret is in the limo covered in gunk before a concert, shortly after an overdose and adrenaline shot. He peels the funk off and reveals a butterfly from the cocoon.
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